Friends, neighbors, members of the herd, today I come before you to announce that I will be running for the seat in the Michigan House of Representatives that is open because I resigned. As you know, I was minutes away from the proverbial cross that the Lansing mafia prepared to nail me to. For the good of our country and with the strength that I found from praying, I bit down on the cyanide pill and ended my tenure before they could finish crucifying me.
But I am back! Risen from the ashes of failure and ready to continue to preach my gospel of delusion. Yesterday, I took my wife to the park and humbly asked her if I could run. After careful consideration of our bank account she said, “Well Todd, you have to do something to fix this mess. What’s your plan Todd? How are you going to pay the bills, Todd? Answer me. Todd? Todd? Where are you going? Oh that’s right, run Todd, just run Todd, run you….” I didn’t hear the rest but it’s clear she wants me to run.
Therefore, it is with great pride and just a bit of narcissism that I begin my campaign to get back to my rightful place. To paraphrase another legend, “I have been to the mountaintop and I have seen the promise land, and then I screwed around with a colleague and misused state funds and eventually resigned moments before being unceremoniously expelled and I really, really, really want to go back.”
Finally, I want to take a moment to endorse Cindy Gamrat for State Representative and end with my prayer, “The Lord is my shepherd and you are all just the herd.”