Minnesota had Jesse “The Body” Ventura, California has its “Governator” Schwarzenegger, and now Michigan can boast the dubious distinction of its own cleverly coined politician: Sen. “Smokestack” Patty Birkholz.

So what do we really know about Senator Birkholz? We know that she’s a Republican from Michigan’s 24th district; she’s a woman who seems to keep her nails trim and her hair neat. She has a simple, unremarkable sense of style. And from the looks of her recent role in the Senate’s energy bill, she’s a person whose insatiable appetite for fossil fuels should cast her out to live among wild mastodons, dressing in saber-tooth tiger skin fashions every day before saddling up Smoky, her pet triceratops, to ride to work on the Capitol. Yes, my friends, Patty Birkholz is hell-bent on keeping Michigan stuck in the Jurassic age, and her tendencies towards coal-ophilia seem to verify this monstrous truth.

Two weeks ago, when Sen. “Smokestack” Birkholz and her Big Coal Stooges in the Michigan Senate voted to keep Michigan locked in the dark ages of coal dependency, they simultaneously sent a signal to the rest of the world that we here in the mitten are not serious about moving forward with an investment in renewable energy and cutting-edge energy efficiency, or even about satisfying our state’s desperation for a diverse economy based on 21st century, good-paying jobs. In a completely boneheaded move, they even defined coal as “renewable,” putting it in the same category as real renewables like wind and solar power.

Michigan has reached an important crossroads, and we are all facing a real choice: we can either move our energy production and consumption into the future, or we can continue to cling to the past, relying on resources straight out of the Industrial Revolution to power our state. Come to think of it, coal has a lot of problems; way more than simply being old and unfashionable:

·         Investing in coal will create far fewer jobs than renewable energy will: in fact, Michigan stands to gain 46,000 new jobs if we choose to invest in renewable energy and efficiency

·         It will hurt jobs and the economy. States like Pennsylvania and Texas – even gun-toting, oil worshipping Texas – have done more to embrace renewable energy and seen thousands of jobs added to their state-wide employment rates. That’s thousands more than coal will create

·         Major banks like Chase, JP Morgan, and Morgan Stanley have backed out of financing coal projects, due to concerns over the inherent costs and risks involved

·         Not only is coal bad for jobs and bad for the economy, but it harms public health and contributes to global warming. Cardiovascular disease, asthma, chronic respiratory problems and premature deaths caused by air pollution from these plants cost Americans an estimated $160 billion every year in health-care expenses

·         Coal is a leading contributor to global warming. A typical coal-fired plant emits 3.7 million tons of CO2 in the Earth’s atmosphere annually

What’s more, a consistent reliance on coal-fire will send much of our hard-earned money out of state and – as mentioned above – send a powerful signal to the rest of the contemporary world that Michigan isn’t serious about investing in 21st century jobs and becoming a part of the world’s energy future. And the recent actions of Smokestack Patty and her sooty, fossil-fueled ilk are firmly placing Michigan in the “clinging to the past” column.

It’s unfortunate that Senator Birkholz has chosen to wield her power in such a way that will seriously disable Michigan’s energy future when she could be acting in the interest of pushing our state forward. As we’ve seen, investing in 21st century clean energy has already moved other states forward. Take Texas and Pennsylvania: two of the 23 states that have already planned a Renewable Energy Standard, and are consequentially presented with the same opportunities for growth that we here in Michigan should be embracing, too. Shame on Smokestack Patty and her coal-loving cronies for pandering to dinosaur, coal-burning energy giants instead of moving our state forward. In order to embrace the future and recast Michigan as a leader in emerging industries, we need to accept more clean energy alternatives that will propel our state forward.

With the Board of Water and Light’s recent proposal to build another outdated coal-fired power plant, you’d think we’d been transported to the year 1885. It’s a year that has been vanquished for nearly 150 years, but its influence continues to prattle deafeningly on, especially when it comes to the proposals of one particular Lansing-based corporation. During the course of this year, a vaccine for rabies was patented, Huckleberry Finn was published, and, this particular corporation in question, Lansing’s Board of Water and Light was established. And, much like its initial business strategy originally executed upon the Board’s year of birth, the BWL is pledging to remain shadowed in the Victorian era by succumbing to the proposal of another coal-fired plant – it’s a technology so new and innovative you’d think that we were all wearing rigid, rib-crunching corsets. Chester A. Arthur would be proud.

While the debate between the US’s dependency on fossil fuels and its converse quest for alternative energy sources rages on, it’s always surprising to find out when a public mainstay like Lansing’s Board of Water and Light plays a part as one of the chief offenders in coal abuse. The organization’s Erickson plant, located in Delta Township, has been fired on coal power for decades, and now, to make matters worse, the BWL has proposed a new, mostly coal-fired plant to join its Erickson facility in an irresponsible campaign.

The BWL’s refusal to see the light is a prime example of the ways in which the heads of some major energy corporations just don’t seem to get it. By running a plant that provides power for a vast majority of the state capital and surrounding area, the BWL leaders should be willing to look beyond older, outdated modes of generating electricity and embrace the future. The cost of coal is skyrocketing; its use keeps us dependent on imported energy; and it is a chief contributor to global warming. Perhaps the most important factor to this argument is that alternative sources of energy like wind and solar power would be much cheaper to harness, not to mention a lot healthier, especially considering public health and environmental impacts of burning coal. It’s a better investment, creating more good-paying jobs than coal and is unlimited in supply. After all, they don’t call it “renewable” energy for nothing.

The BWL has been a staple of the Lansing community since 1885; how ironic, given that the corp’s latest energy proposal seems as though it had come straight out of the 19th century. If corporate execs at BWL keep insisting on sticking with the same technology found in the novels of Charles Dickens, it’s probable that they will end up hurting the very people who they are supposed to be helping – the people of Lansing. Stubbornly clinging to Victorian-era business methods and obsolete technology just doesn’t work: there’s a reason why the Big Horseshoe and Conglomerated Opium industries have long since faded away.

The insistence of BWL execs on the reliance of coal stands out as an eye-catching example of the comprehensive problems in Michigan. Without the ability to adapt to new thoughts and innovations in industry, our state’s economy is doomed to fail; left behind in the dark ages of coal and its blackening, fossilized kindred.

Oh, by the way, in addition to the coal fiasco proposed by BWL, Michigan is being threatened by seven – count ‘em, SEVEN – other coal plants. They call it the “coal rush” and it will take our state backwards. The good news is, you can fight the scurvy knaves by going to http://www.nocoalrush.com/.

Just a few short months ago – January of this year, in fact – a grand total of seven companies began a scheme to build a slew of dirty, outmoded coal-burning power plants all around the state of Michigan. Thankfully, a group called Clean Energy Now stepped in to combat this backward drive, courtesy of the coal companies. You might say that CEN is acting as the Indiana Jones to Big Coal’s devious pit of snakes.

By merit alone, CEN and other proponents of modern energy efficiency have many points. Tons of points. So many points, in fact, that if points were a source of renewable energy, we wouldn’t need to be having this debate in the first place. As for Big Coal, clearing out all the choking, burning coal-smoke reveals those pesky facts that fossil fuel-pushing execs would rather keep safely buried in the tar-pit. You know, the ones that are always getting in the way of lies and propaganda? Yeah, those facts.

Coal as Energy:

• ·         Coal is an old, antiquated, and completely out of date source of energy. Have I mentioned that it’s old? Why, I remember when coal was a new and innovative technology… back in 1769. In fact, the use of coal came to prominence during the same time period in which every physical ailment known to man was caused by demons and cured by leeches. Since the use of bloodsuckers by any hospital today would likely result in a something involving the words “class-action” and “lawsuit,” it’s time that Michigan’s energy companies update, too, and learn to embrace modern forms of energy production

• ·         Coal is dirty. Just ask Cinderella. $20 says she would have far preferred to reside under a solar panel than buried in five pounds of ash and soot

• ·         Coal keeps us dependent on imported sources of energy. The vast majority of fossil fuels are imported into Michigan, which in turn spends over $20 billion a year to feed this destructive habit. Cutting our addiction to coal and other fossil fuels would slash costs exponentially, as well as keep more cash in the state of Michigan – creating jobs and investing in our communities

Renewable Energy Sources and Efficiency:

• ·         Renewable energy sources are not just good for the environment, but good for the economy and job growth, as well. According to the Renewable Energy Policy Project, Michigan could stand to gain over 35,000 new jobs if alternative energy sources comprised at least 20% of the total power output by the year 2020. This strategy has already shown success in places like Pennsylvania and Texas, where both states have seen an increase of almost 5,000 jobs as a direct result of implementing renewable energy plans

• ·         Renewable energy sources would help stimulate Michigan’s struggling economy. If we cling to the use of coal as a primary power source, our state will fail in attracting the 21st century jobs it so desperately needs; however, if we acknowledge the benefits of renewable energy, our state will attract more outside business and trade, and thus establish itself as a leader in the alternative energy revolution

• ·         Energy efficiency provides more bang for the buck. Coal does not. Statistically speaking, for every dollar that is spent on efficiency, $3 more would be saved. This means that this spared profit margin could be invested back into the economy, and help to create more jobs

And so, there you have it: the barebones facts about both coal and renewable energy. If it wasn’t for the massive expenditures on high-priced lobbyists by coal companies, it seems as though the advocates for renewable energy would have to do little more than clear their throats to prove their point. Given the macabre condition of both the economy and the lack of substantial job growth, there is no time to waste on counterproductive ideas for the state. Renewable energy represents the future, then it’s about time we stopped clinging to the past. Go to http://progressmichigan.org/page/speakout/coalrush and fight back!

Let’s pretend, for a moment, that you’ve driven from Alpena to Monroe to purchase that “dream car” you saw posted on Craigslist. Sure, the pictures looked inviting, the description was flawless, and the price was lower than the net number of current George W. Bush enthusiasts, so comparing this vehicle to a dream is nothing short of an apt analogy. Unfortunately for you, once you finally stagger into town after hours of grueling travel, you arrive at the car dealership and find that this dream car, according to your polyester suit-wearing salesman, is missing only a transmission, radiator, battery, three-to-four wheels, and engine, and is covered with non-removable “REO Speedwagon” and “Reelect Nixon ‘72” bumper-stickers.

The above analogy, though seemingly nonsensical, accurately represents the relationship that the coal industry maintains with the people of Michigan and, indeed, the rest of the United States. There are virtually no taboo methods that the advocates of coal energy will employ to trick, deceive, and, in some cases, outright lie to the public about the virtues of its product.

Just look at Web sites like this one: http://www.michiganjobsandenergy.org/. Sure, it looks very enticing. The color scheme is bright and appealing, as is the smooth, sweet-talking narrative; that which cascades up and down the pages, like rainwater baptizing a windowpane. Notice how the word “coal” never once appears anywhere in the rhetoric, which ostensibly oozes with altruism. Neither is a clear-cut mission statement ever outlined. This Web site must belong to one of the good guys, right?

Wrong. The Michigan Jobs and Energy Coalition is, in fact, a cunningly disguised agent of the Big Coal Industry – a collective that seeks to disenfranchise the merits of alternative energy and continue empowering passé outlets like coal and other fossil fuels. Upon further investigation, it seems improbable that they could be anything else, given that they can count Consumers Energy and DTE Energy as prominent members, among others.

The careful expose of MJEC and its foul kindred is a crucial component in the fight to break Big Coal’s stranglehold on the realm of energy production in Michigan. This is an industry which is fully aware that, in terms of efficiency, cost, public health, pollution, and overall merit, the benefits of alternative energy will always trump those of coal and other synonymous fossil fuels, yet continues to consciously mislead the public into believing the exact opposite. Here’s the truth: promoting alternative energy sources will help stimulate Michigan’s economy by creating thousands of new jobs, reducing our reliance on imported energy, and decreasing public health risks caused by coal-burning. To learn more about efficient and renewable energy, visit: http://www.michigancleanenergy.com.

To put it plain and simple, efficient and renewable energy is offering a trustworthy a reliable solution for Michigan’s energy future. Big Coal is offering a pig wearing lipstick. Enough’s enough: this COALition has got to go.